Incest is a Dish Best Served on Holidays

I have this awesome client who was referred to me from another awesome client. The first time we looked at homes, his parents came along. This can sometimes be a sticky situation for agents in a high priced markets like DC because the prices here compared to the rest of the country are insane. The parents say things like, “Almost half a million dollars for this condo? In Okaloosa you could buy the whole dang town for this kinda money!”

My client’s parents are not from Okaloosa. And my client clearly had a fantastic relationship with his parents. He was pointing out various landmarks to them - all the venues where he and his friends liked to go. When we passed Wonderland, he told his parents that it was one of his favorite bars in DC. As someone who was a regular fixture at Wonderland back in 2006 / 2007, it was nice to know it’s still a cool place. I was also impressed he would share that with his parents.  I would never tell Gloom and Doom such a thing. Because the judgment, ohhhh the judgment.

This weekend, I was on the phone with my work-wife while waiting for my client to arrive. She asked who I was showing property to and I told her how cool he and his parents were. I said “They have my parents beat that’s for sure. I’m sure his parents wouldn’t try to set him up with his cousin.”

Work wife was like “Ha ha. Wait. What?” 

One of those gems you forget about until it’s out of your mouth and you’re like, “Oh yeah, that did happen.”

Back when Real Estate Dad and I were in the infancy period of taking our formerly professional and very platonic relationship to the next step, and he was in the midst of a mid-life crisis that resulted in him leaving me in DC alone on the holidays while he scampered off to NY, I met my parents half way in Jersey at my mom’s cousins house for a holiday dinner  

All the Greeks were there. My mom had mentioned something about her cousin wanting to set me up with someone but I didn’t pay much attention because in no world I’ve ever lived in would I allow Gloom or Doom to set me up with someone. At the party though, my mom told me who her cousin was eyeing for me.

It was her son.

I was like “I’m sorry. What? We are related!”  

Here’s where you would think my mom would have been on my side.  Well, here’s where you would think anyone else’s mom should have been on their side.

Gloom said, ”You’re distant enough.”  

I said “ARE WE? OUR GREAT-GRANDPARENTS ARE THE SAME PEOPLE.” Second cousins are not distant cousins.

She actually waved me off and said something to the effect of how it was fine. I don’t remember because I think I passed out and hit my head on the pavement. Really lady? You were responsible for raising us? And now you’re advocating that I marry a second cousin?

It is all kinda of fucked. But, it explains why there is a Greek panel of bloodwork that you have to do when you’re pregnant. Because all these idiots were living on islands sleeping with each other and most of the population is mentally retarded challenged. And they clearly do not know the definition of "distant relative."